Chasing the Trendy
Writer? Or is the Author of all chasing
me?
My
earliest memory was one of feeling loved.
I was running around our yellow ranch house in the swamps on the far out
skirts of Chi ca go. I ran as fast as my
toddler legs could wobble. I was being
chased, perused by someone who was going to get me, what pure joy! Giggling and moving, belonging, having a
relationship with someone who cared for me.
How do you express this happiness under the age of three? Moving and
giggling I suppose. It was so wonderful
to remember this feeling. My heavenly
Pappa has been perusing me ever since with the same intensity, heavy to win my
favor. Ready to pick me up and make me
laugh again. What an awesome wonder, intent
on winning my heart like a passionate lover.
I love you Jesus, the lover of my very soul.
Have
you ever had a carrot dangled in front of your face in order for you to move
towards something? My carrot came in the
form of writer during time of great sorrow in my life. My heart was grieving in the mist of divorce
when I saw him. I told a friend shortly
before that if a man was for me he would have to walk down from heaven, maybe a
stage was the closest real life thing, then again, maybe not. I had recently been in the wedding party and
did not present myself as a single when I was still married so I put my ring
back on and left it there for a few weeks.
We made unmistakable eye contact, a connection. He may have seen my ring, I hesitated to
reveal my hand but did so because it was the right thing to do and just let the
situation go. My hormones were raging,
with in that year before my husband and I were trying for kids and I thought motherhood
was just around the corner, but the marriage, despite all prayers and efforts
ended, beyond my control. Sometime later
I heard of this writer from the stage making his way back through town, so to
speak, and inquired of his work. I felt
lead to make my may to where he was and give him my phone number, out of
character for me, because even though in my youth I tried to be a modern woman,
but couldn’t get far past the influence of my parents who were a few
generations prior to my own, born in the depression, old fashion at heart. I took a chance regardless, life altering
heart break makes you bolder, you realize that time is so much shorter than
when it was at an earlier age. I sought
the council of friends old and young on the matter, every older women strong in
their faith, told me to go for it!
A
few different times I made my presence known to him, and I thought there again
was a connection from afar, movement from the stage in my direction,
Shakespearian like poetry “no one else would compare”, out right eye contact
and talk of how Jesus loves us like a husband loves a wife “marry me”. I thought there may have been a connection,
possibly by the ocean. But he never
approached, maybe my fear played a role here but he never called he never came
close. Heart break can make you bold but
vulnerable as well. I don’t know why
this pursuit didn’t work out, for my heart wept with sorrow. Too many times so
many years now of unrequited love, but this time the sorrow was so healing, so
much deeper than any other time in my life.
This adventure came just at the right time. Divorce is utter hell on one’s
heart and shot at love may have been just the right carrot, to get me dreaming,
moving and giggling again.
I was left with a deeper knowledge
that God is the chaser of me, relentlessly in pursuit, the finest gentleman
caller a girl could ever know. What a
Champ, my Sovereign, my Help mate, My Husband, My Lord, The best friend who
never leaves, who never forsakes. God
loves my through my fallible ways and I am not an only child to Him, He loves
others the same. I pray that he take
more room in my heart so that my love more and more resembles His.
No comments:
Post a Comment